Deer Fan,

From April 2005 Issue

Tanks fur yur letter. Yous is correct. I ain't been in prison all mi life. Just most of it. I was edgicated at UCLA. Worked Fur da ACLU. Gots arrested by da CIA. Now living at USP. Edgication can be mean. Mi addvice to ya is don't aim too high. Ya might miss. Don't aim too low. Ya might reech it. Some times its best just not to aim. Do ya see what's im aiming at?

In sincerely yurn. Conn Wyz

Ten Purcent?

From January 2007 Issue

It appears to me that da guy who figured that we only uses ten-purcent of da brain came to that cornclusion because he wuz only using ten purcent of his brain. As fur me, I only use five purcent. I'm saving the rest fur when I gets released.

A Wittle Time

From April 2007 Issue

Doin' time is like da time bein' dun. Each time I goes to my cell I knos its time ta number my daz cause da future could come anytime. I tink its best to do da time a wittle bit at a time. Like wittling a stick with a nife.